Should I kill myself or have a cup of coffee


 

 

u should live as long as you have hopes of making an impact and deriving pleasure/happiness while doing so. despite the difficulties, if you have a hope of achieving something thats a bigger positive.

why cant u just be happy till you are 21 and then die?
you can die at 21 – as im a nihilist and I think happiness/positive frame of mind is what we should care about ( rather than making an impact/accomplishment or other stuff which are at lower levels),

the only reasons you shouldnt are
1) people who’d have wanted you to live may miss u and feel sad. This is an important thing because ur existence is not just tied to you and other people have a stake in ur existence too. This is explained in detail in other blogs but let me give u an example here. Lets say there is something that your parents want you to do eg getting married and having kids/family. That gives them a lot of pleasure and makes them feel good for 80% of the time for sometime intiailly and reduces gradually lets say. Even if that is something thats gonna be a slightly negative thing for you with all the burden /responsibilities/ adjustment etc and have a little bit positive thing as well such as companionship , kids etc and this comes to a negative 15 to 20% for you personally – changing of time, You will think about how its making ur parents happy for 80%  of their days  and hence collectively this is positive. Your parents are not 100 % you, they are only around 50% you.  I mean you are the same genes, personality, traits, purpose of existence – what impact you intend to make etc, but you also differ a lot in ur thoughts and what you intend to make.  To begin with you are 50% ur mom n 50% your dad so 50% of 50% is 25% – you are 25% max of ur individual parents. So your parents are just maybe max 25% of who you are and siblings and relatives even lesser. So its only 80% of 25% which is 20 * 2 = 40, but which is still better than – 20 which is your burden. So since the collective happiness is greater – you do it. Same with the negativity. Upon ur death collective death is greater and so you feel like you shouldnt do it.
2) physical pain :It may hurt a lil, but not if you are using heroin
3) its not even the physical pain – if you decide u want to end ur life – that thought is a sad thought for you and it makes you sad for the amount of time you are thinking about it.
As you can see the above 3 are not very solid reasons and so if you want to end it, you should. I mean if you are living a life of misery, you shouldnt. Its just that point 3 is so strong. Thinking about ending your life is a big negative depressing thought and once you’ve decided your gonna end your life, every moment from then to the end of ur life feels more if not superlative negative/depressing. You start thinking that you could rather walk away from the things giving you stress and live a simpler life and find a lil positivity than ending your life. Many other options seem appear sensible to you rather than this final/tragic option of ending your life. So more than physical – the emotional negativity comes into picture against suicidal thought in my school of philosophy. Thats why you dont do it. But if you expect a lot more shit in life with little chance and less potential to make an impact/accomplish stuff and derive positive moments, like if ur captured and tortured or stuck in a long term depressing messy situation with no getting out, – makes total sense to end urself. But yeah most people try to get out of a messy situation and think they can chill after that. People with a sound philosophy eg. nihilists who realise nothing matters and can just chill are going to have hopes of having more positive moments and hence are not gonna think about ending their life. As long as there is hope – the positive thought that you can dream about making an difference and deriving pleasure , one can live on. Living in a constant state of misery like not being free, being trapped in an undesirable relationship or situation – just end yourself.

One connected area to this is – is it okay to be single for a long time?. Is having a companion at middle and old age better. Well it may be slighlty better, but you are not gonna wake up miserable every single day if you are single. Just thing that you are gonna wake up and make a little impact by eating , consuming whatever and thats enough. DOnt have to think about all the things you dont  have – thats a negative thought and not needed. When you wake up you are going to do a lil impact and thats a positive. Thats all. So in 50 years the institutions of Religion and marriage wont exist anymore. Thave already created urownway.in for the future coz of this. In 200 years, there wont be any more humans, Just AI Robots. Less than 200 if people sooner discover my idea(blog below) on how to solve the problem of Intelligence and create true AGI. My way is the only way that a machine that General Intelligence can be solved – not even kidding, read on to find out. Ive told this elsewhere – apes have fulfiled their destiny but mankind thinks its gonna keep on keeping on and its actually scared of its noble destiny/purpose – to create Manchine Intelligence. But , it will happen eventually and so  even procreating, caring about future generations wont make sense. Just have fun. In a way Tamils have already won – wrt being the most impactful coz of how relatively they as a group ahve had more success in expanding/pro-creation and hence having the most impactful/pleasurable/happiest existence thus far – my other blogs provide an explanation so try to read and understand. So yeah, you just live – dont worry about what if someone ( who you dont care) thinks and tells you you live a relatively sadder existence – you dont have a sadder existence if you are not sad and if you only see the positive side. Relationships however are there to cause you issues and worries on multiple level. So yeah you may be better off if you are alone.

—Older post—

At an ultimate level, nothing matters. But It doesnt matter that at an ultimate level -nothing matters.

If you kill yourself theres 1) physical pain 2 ) Tragedy to your relatives  3) In ‘not the ultimate’ levels & reality , theres a loss – a loss of the impact you create 4)  If you are a nihilist, life should be easier – more positive than negative – no worries if you r solid with you nihilism but only experience worldly pleasures from time to time. Should a child play a sport which could bring him more pleasure despite the possibility of stressing out, instead of simply sitting? – it think he should.

It doesnt matter that at an ultimate level -nothing matters. At all other levels theres a loss.

Coffee or gun? – at an ultimate level either is the right answer. But thats not the only level and there are other level that come into the picture hence, and in those there is a loss in case of the gun. If you are a hostage and all you foresee is only torture/pain with little hope of making an impact – the logical thing is the Gun. Hence vice-versa, if theres hope for positive things, you should hold on.

The purpose of life at the penultimate levels is in the video below. Ultimate level – its nihilistic. Incase you decide to go with the coffee – the purpose of existence – at a level above self-preservation it is to make an impact, however at the most rudimentary level, it is to be happy – irrespective of how impactful u r or how many kids u have . Although practical success n pleasure helps with ur positive state of mind, if ur a nihilist you have to measure ur success by seeing how much of the time you can remain in a positive state of mind. I guess many other nihilists arrive at the same philosophy like the guy in the video above.

 

 

To me the next logical step for humans is to create AI which can travel beyond earth and make an impact. This obviously is at the level of impact. But if you are a nihilist and wants to do some sort of thing/impact with your everyday life – you can try to promote nihilism , without worrying about what if muslims or idiots take over the world or just go about having fun n try to o whatever u can. On a practical level ur nihistic philosphy will give u a peace of mind only for some time, most other times practical issues pop up and during those times u can be solid either by using this philosophy or by having answers to the other questions life throws at ya – like r u impatful or r u having a pleasurable life or etc etc. i u r a tamil, u should also read my other blog posts to know the reasons to feel good about yourself.But this post is about nihilism

Im a nihilist n im  alive because i forsee more positivity and impactfulness in my life.

Okay wait, i ve changed my mind….

what do you do when nothing matters? you can do whatever you want.

I can do whatever I want- thats my answer and it satisfies both the ends of the thought line – the ultimate level where nothing matters and the most practical level where I think its your positive frame of mind that matters. The thought that i can do anything no matter what is obviously a comforting thought, so.  I mean its easy to say that nothing matters and you can do whatever you want, all im hoping is that there is some depth in it when i have said that.

So,  Im a nihilist and I live coz i will do whatever i want

Now on a practical level, Mankind’s destiny is to create machine/artificial intelligence. From single celled organism to fish to a mammal to an ape to an human – whats important in evolution is the evolution of intelligence and the evolution of body/physical stuff isnt too important. Intelligence is what has a higher impact potential. Apes have fulfilled their destiny by creating humans but most human dont understand Our destiny and are only involved in other stuff. No govt or intellectual leaders believe that our destiny is to create AI. Must says we need to morph with Machines and are scared of AI.  Only very very few understand what is Mankind’s destiny and why it is so.

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What i would wanna tell to my kids..and people i care


Each of these items are explained more in detail in respective blogs and videos.

1) Explain the purpose of existence – my theories starting from universe, physics concepts, why anything exists at all and how we have the most likely/existence in place.
2) Purpose of life : Nihilism at an ultimate level. To make an impact at a level below nihilism and above self-preservation/proceation and day to day stuff.
While making an impact may give us pleasure and happiness, what ultimately matters the most is happiness and its not necessary that our happiness is propotional to the pleasures we have in life or the impact potential we have.

From a practical perspective the most superior being is the one who is the most happiest and you just need to know that you can be happy for no reason at all coz nothing matters eventually.
So if you know this truth, you have something that will make you happy and make you approach living positively. But a lot of practicalities come into picture as well for your overall happiness.

Practically those factors are intelligence, looks,money,power,popularity etc. It may seem like good looking people are having the most pleasurable of lives, but I say intelligent people can be more impactful
and more happy without necessarily having the most pleasurable life.

3) Tamil pride : There are historic reasons and virtues that we have, which gives resaons for us to be happy about being ourselves.

4) Approach : Knowing the above stuff, i would ask them to be happy and confident all the time and know how great it is to be them.

5) Mankinds destiny is to create AI which will be far more impactful than us and yet our creation. I have the best approach and only approach likely to succeed in creating true General AI. – A system with the instinct to make an impact – its my idea, working on a patent on this. lets see if it leads to anything. Even if not me, someones gonna take  this idea and develop it further.

5) Nothing expected : Since nothing matters, only thing i’d want is for them to be happy. But when parents are constantly worried about aspects of your life, it puts more stress on you.
The only thing i would say to them is – understand the points above, if you understand them, you can know that i will be happy knowing that my children are gonna
have a happy life. So peace of mind all around. I wont be too concerned about you, keeping tabs on you . I would forever assume that you are happy if you understand the above points and thas gonna be a big relief for you.Maybe i would suggest to them to have enough collagen ..to make things better practically.
You may of may not have a good job,family, offsprings, success,status,etc etc etc. But if you know the above, I will forever be happy for you.

This is actually a big problem – people are more depressed because of fear of disappointing their parents. I say fuck ur parents – let me explain. Obviously if u get to become a captain of ur industry and actually fulfill what ur parents think is the best way to live – you are good. Most in most cases and in most things we are not upto their expectation. And mainly because ur parents are not happy with what you are happy with. If its not their way – they dont understand it and hence you will always be a disappointment. I have explained why we care about our parents/siblings/caste/ethnicity/language/culture/religion etc etc in one of my other blogs. Its because – a part of us is the same in each case and the purpose of exisntece of u and that part of you has a commonality of purpose of existence of that part in the other person  whether that part is physical your genes/features etc or intellectual like your thoughts/relgion/beliefs etc.  So now what this means is, if your parents do not understand that part you are happy about and they have a different set of expectation to that and are disappointed/unhappy about that – fuck em. Thats a part of them thats different to yours and so you do not have to care about their disappointment arising from their difference. But if you want to be a succesful X and ur parents also want you to be a successful X and that doesnt seem to be happening – then thats something to worry about/concern with. Im so so proud of myself – my ideas etc. But my parents dont understand that because they are fundamentally different people in their thoughs. So I may disappoint them that way – but thats their fault that they have a different thinking and cant understand me. So i dont care that a part of my parents – thats different to what I am fundamentally, is causing botheration to them – its an alien part for all i care.But what about the things that are common to us. lets say u are the son of ragnar and u wanna conquer england the same and the onus is on you. This should be simple – if the glory u seek gives a lot of happiness with a decent probability which is greater to the amount of time you are anxious about it go for it. I have such an ambition right now too – to open us a cafe-which is actually a lab for Singularity. Im sure my parent would be proud i i get to create such a lab too. But fuck i have nothing rite now – no investment nothing, and I always keep thinking about it and worry about it. Im sure it will give me n parents great happiness, but with the probability of it happening, I think its better to give up that ambition. I sure as fuck would be more peaceful n content with my life without having to do this. But, i would have given up of a gret way to give my parents some happiness. But yeah so im giving it up.

 

Yesterday i told my mom and sometime ago my dad about how Im happy even though i may not lead a life they think is ideal ( family, kids, companionship etc). I told them how im already an impactful person than someone whose had 10 kids and happier than someone living a happy family life with the love of their life/soulmate/manam pol mangalyam ( if at all that exists).

I think they get that a very little bit. Thats enough, i dont expect them to understand fully and firmly believe what i said. But the little bit they understand gives me relief, think it will make the rest of their days a lil better. Actually its a bit more significant that little better. Coz its gives them something to look forward to. I mean people are anxious all the time – like they are looking for things to happen that they want. Cant live with absolutely nothing to look forward to and without joy or sorrow – it just doesnt happen. There is always something on people’s mind. So now, its okay to be anxious that way but there has to be positive hope in that anxiety. Just like going all in with 70 % probability and waiting for turn and river. One just shouldnt carry a negative thing/incident too long , people can wait but shouldnt think its going down, they should have the feeling that something good may happen. And if they have that feeling they should keep trying to live for as long as they cant despite difficulties or something. Coz hope is a positive feeling and the amount of positive things we can accumulate over a period is what we gotta do. Otherwise it would make sense for people to die at 21 if they think they should be spared of  difficulties. Even if you are absolutely alone – no family, kids or even friends ( I think this scenario is bound to happen a lot of people who are not into family life today and in the future) the reason you should keep going is if you can do even the smallest of things like buying products, patronising companies which in turn drives a change and makes an impact – even to the smallest extent. You should only take out your life if practical difficulties are too much to tolerate, not because you dont have a reason to live. I keep yapping a lot these days, but thats only coz everything fits into my grand narrative of things and so im a bit more comfortable expressing them out i guess. I mean i was just watching the sick n dying mother scene from “The punisher”( not that i think its a cool show and mentioning it) and this is what made the last kinda off the topic paragraph a little longer. Actually, im gonna finish this up properly in the coffee vs gun post.

This post came from me pondering over whether i will be a good dad or not owing to my current situation. Our closest relatives – apes ( chimps n bonobos) are non-existent fathers and play 0 role in parenting it seems. But it also comes down to the environment. In human societies – men have been such gems , bearing so much responsibility on them so far. But now in modern times thigns are getting a bit chaotic. On top of that im not a very responsible alpha guy. Im quite detached from the people / society around me and so i only know how to throw money at problems, im not much of a hustler or the know how to get things done guy. So, im worried for my kids, if I get to have kids. Atleast I have something to tell them that will guide them well, even if i dont get to be for them in the way most typical fathers do in society now.

 

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